Thursday, August 5, 2010

The Tooth Fairy's Tighty-Whiteys


copyright 2010, Dawn Weber

Tooth Fairy?

Not at our place. More like the Fail Fairy.

My poor kid. Witness our conversation first thing this a.m.:

"Uh, Mommy? Something weird happened," he yelled from his room.

I braced myself. 'Weird' can make me kids cry. 'Weird' usually needs cleaned up.
'Weird' is never good, generally involves an animal and makes me late for work.

But, in all my years of parenthood, 'weird' has always waited until after breakfast.

"Okay...what's that?" I said, ever the resigned-to-my-fate brave one.
"The Tooth Fairy left me a dollar, but she didn't take my tooth!" he said, surprised and angry.
"Um...well...uh...maybe she couldn't find it," I said.
"Yeah. Or maybe she has enough teeth right now...I guess...," said my son, trying to hide the disappointment in his wee voice.

I made a mental note to kick some Tooth Fairy ass.

Didn't have to wait long. He/she called me.

"I hear the Tooth Fairy forgot to take Levi's tooth this morning?" I said.
"Yeah. I went in across his floor, it was all 'CREAK! CREAK! CREAK!'" said the Fairy. "His pillow was half off his bed, half on. I'm feeling around under it, couldn't find his tooth anywhere."
"So what'd you do?" I said.
"I put the dollar right by his face, and tried to walk out, but the floor was all 'CREAK! CREAK! CREAK!' again, and he woke up and looked right at me," he/she said.
"Well, you're lucky, you big goober," I said. "He didn't remember that, because he didn't say anything."
"I'm surprised, considering what I was wearing," he/she said.

Yes folks, apparently when my boy spotted him/her,the Fairy was in his/her men's Hanes white undershirt and tighty-whiteys of questionable cleanliness.

Niiiicccce. The kid probably blocked it out of his memory.

Guess the Easter Bunny/Santa Claus, who weighs less and won't cause as much CREAK, will have to take over tooth duty, too.

Because - on the grounds of slacking, cross-dressing and dubious underwear -  the Fail Fairy is fired.



    I'm also adding this to my "When TNT gets older" file! :)

    That was great haha!

    Love you guys!

  2. Hilarious!! My daughter sat up straight & looked at me before saying, "Hi, Mom!" without recollection once. She is highly suspicious of the tooth fairy's identity anyway, but doesn't mind as long as she gets her $.

  3. You are so funny. Maybe my favorite so far. The images are so clear and disturbing. I LOVE it!

  4. HA!HA! SO funny and brings back memories (the tooth fairy routinely forgot to take teeth away in THIS house too).

  5. I keep waiting for my oldest to realize all these truths we've been hiding from him. So far, he's still a believer. Is nine too old for that?

  6. Sarah, love you guys too! Bunches! Kerbi, that's's amazing what's NOT remembered, thank God. Stacey, glad to disturb you. I do what I can! lol. Heidi, you better fire your Fail Fairy, too. Bethany, I don't think it's too old. Our daughter believed till 10, and even then, her best friend told her.

  7. Okay...I followed you over from Heidi and couldn't stop laughing. Are all your blogs this funny great? I may have to follow awhile. I love the offbeat take on normal family things.

  8. We had 5 kids and by the last one the tooth fairy just kept forgetting to come take the tooth/leave the money/or even creak the floor. We got very creative with tooth fairy sick/vacation days, taking care of her grandmother, etc.