Friday, August 26, 2016

OK - You Can Go Back to School Now!

(post copyright 2016, Dawn Weber)

OK you can go back to school now!
Oh crap - did I say that out loud?
For months, I've had no alone time,
One is company, but three's a crowd.

You guys ate your weight in Doritos,
And I tried hard to stock up on Lay's,
Plus those gross Little Debbie snack cakes,
I buy in bulk - and they're gone the next day.

There are zero cups in the cupboard,
They're spread through the rooms far and wide,
You fill them up with blue Gatorade,
Take one sip and then set them aside.

The house is a total disaster,
It looks like a big bomb went off,
But not your average explosion,
Rather, one made of shirts and flip-flops.

The PlayStation's nearly on fire,
You're on it from morning till night,
And though it's the middle of summer,
Your skin tone is Wonder-Bread White.

"There's nothing to do! I'm so bored!"
I hear it again and again,
That's funny - I see a lot that needs done,
Perhaps you need a suggestion.

I'd like to be able to relax,
Maybe sip coffee solo till nine,
And later on, if the day goes right,
I could open a nice box of wine.

Oh yes - couches, coffee and wine,
Those are three of my favorite things,
But thanks to your constant presence,
I haven't indulged since late spring.

I love you both - you're adorable,
I live my whole life for you,
It's just that you're always around here,
I'm not even alone when I poo.

So yeah. You can go back to school now,
You're cute, but you're making me crazy,
There on the couch with your phones in your hands,
Finding new ways to be lazy.


  1. How will you spend your summers when they finally leave the nest? Sipping umbrella drinks by the pool?

    1. More likely wine and coffee on the couch, Jono. But not in that order.

      Well, maybe in that order...

  2. I am sure that parents the world over will recognise this lament...

  3. Your poem makes me even happier to be childless, lol!

  4. That's a funny poem. My son is staying with me for a bit. He's 36, but he's eating me out of house and home.


    1. I used to think it was better to have kids than animals because kids grow up and go away.

    2. Better buy some stock in Lay's, Janie!

  5. Do you find your kids arguing about which one's your favorite when you really don't like either of them?

    1. I don't know what you mean, FD. I have one favorite son and one favorite daughter. ;)

  6. I remember those days. Congratulations on making it through another summer vacation!

  7. Ha ha ha! I love it, love the photo at the top too. One day they will understand.

    1. Yeah - I think Mom and Pop Meme up there have poured themselves some mimosas!

  8. Even when I exit the homestead and venture outside on a regular basis, my skin remains wonder bread white.
    Can I come over and eat my weight in Doritos? That sounds so delicious right now.