Saturday, December 19, 2015

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Chaos

(post copyright 2015, Dawn Weber)

More messed up Christmas Carols for your listening pleasure. Happy Holidays, everyone!

It's beginning to look a lot like chaos,
Everywhere you go,
Drive through the parking lot,
Hoping you won't get shot,
Just to buy your kid a new iPhone

It's beginning to look a lot like chaos,
Thieves in every store,
But the scariest sight to see,
Are the moms on Black Friday,
At the Walmart doors

Expensive footwear and a new iPad air
Is the wish of Emma and Belle,
Games about war and Playstation 4
Is the hope of Noah and Will,
And Mom and Dad can hardly stand to see the Visa bill

It's beginning to look a lot like chaos,
Everywhere you go,
Assholes are all around,
On freeways and in town,
Full of rage and Starbuck's espresso

It's beginning to look a lot like chaos,
Idiots a-bound,
A mass of humanity,
Bursting with insanity,
Crazies all a-round!


I Must Go, I Must Go, I Must Go

Oh, the stores are filled up with buyers,
But my Kohl's cash soon expires,
And since I'm not made of dough,
I must go, I must go, I must go

It doesn't show signs of stopping,
This never ending shopping,
The traffic, it really blows,
But I go, I must go, I must go

When I finally think I'm done,
I remember my nephew Jack,
He wants a new Nerf gun,
Shit - guess I have to go back!

My bank account's quickly draining,
My back and knees complaining,
The roads are covered with snow,
I must go, I must go, I must go

When the cash is completely gone,
It's a good thing we have Mastercards,
Visas for everyone,
Credit statements by the yards

Christmas Eve and I'm still buying,
My bankruptcy denying,
Santa left a long time ago,
Still I go, yes I go, I must go!


  1. I see you have found the true meaning of Christmas in a most delightful way.

    1. If by "true meaning" you mean "grousing" and "Being sarcastic," then yes!

  2. Ha ha, these are funny and too true!

    I was at the post office in the endless line and was commenting to the woman behind me. I mentioned its so much quicker at the Jefferson post office. She said, "and yet you're here." "Yes," I said, "its a penance." Later she was wrestling with packing tape. the end had gotten away from her and and now she couldn't find it, sunk into invisibility. Tape management is a huge part of Christmas chaos.

    1. You're right, Strayer. Tape - both packing and Scotch - merits its very own messed-up carol. There's always next year!

  3. Brilliant!!!!!! lol And also both are true!

    1. In the words of Jerry Seinfeld, "It's funny 'cause it's true."

  4. Ouch. Truth.
    And funny with it. In a painful sort of way.

  5. Dawn, check out some alternate lyrics on my latest post. They are from an earlier time, but with the same spirit.

  6. Hahahaha! Well done! I'm highly identifying with these :)

    1. Which means you're still not done shopping. Godspeed, Jenny-o!