Friday, October 16, 2015

I Don't Give a Sh*t About Football: A Football Widow's Lament

I don't give a shit about football,
Yeah, I just went there. I said it,
I've attempted to work up an interest,
But, no. I don't care. Not one bit.

With several boyfriends and a husband,
I faked it again and again,
Don't be pervy - I faked liking football,
When I really gave zero shits. Not one.

I sat with them on many bleachers,
In high school and college and onward,
I tried hard to concentrate on games,
My mind. It did nothing but wander.

Watch my eyes glaze over in boredom,
As the guys at work start up their smack-talk,
Getting all worked up and bothered,
'Bout the Jets or Bengals or the Seahawks.

They go on and on using jargon,
Such as "hook," "muff" "loose ball" and "pooch-kick,"
I laugh, 'cause That is What She Said,
It just all sounds so vaguely erotic.

On Saturday, I'm watching TV,
When in comes the husband to oust me,
He wants to watch Bucks on the big screen,
Oh well. Guess I'll have to go shopping.

The Superbowl is just a Sunday,
I'm hoping to finish the laundry,
Of course, I need to work fast since,
We've been asked to Superbowl parties.

You know, I guess it ain’t all bad,
There's cheering and snacks and libations,
They should just take away that lame "game" stuff,
And make it a big celebration.

'Cause, I don't give a shit about football,
But I'll gladly be at your tailgate,
Drinking several cans of your Bud Light,
And fixing myself a big food plate.


  1. I never cared about it till I moved to San Francisco and caught 49ers fever, in 1989. Then moved to Washington and I love my Seahawks. Back in Mass now and I just cannot get into the Patriots. I like having the games on in the background if there's nothing else on, even if I don't care about the teams playing. I like college ball too. And Canadian Football League.

  2. Can't you pass the time ogling the players' butts? I know a lot of women who get through football games (and other sports) that way. Personally, I like the homoeroticism of male contact sports. But that's just me.

    1. Hmm, Debra. You bring up good points! Perhaps I should watch . . .

  3. I used to like playing it, but watching others play puts me in a coma. It's like watching paint peel, but much noisier.

    1. A man after my own heart! ;)
      I used to enjoy playing it as a kid, too. Fun fun.

  4. I'll watch football. Do,I really care all that much? No. My husband used to watch no matter who was on. Now, they have to be one of his teams. Even then, they can't be doing really bad. Cause if they are, he will shut if off. My dad has never watched football.

    1. It's interesting - isn't it? - that some men watch constantly, and some men watch not at all.

  5. I just don't 'get' sport as a spectator event unless you know someone who is playing. Which puts me on the outer with a lot of my family and in most workplaces.

    1. I didn't mind watching when my son played biddy league, and when my daughter cheered all through school - that was fun. Like you said, when someone you love is participating, it's a whole different "ball game."

  6. Amen sistah! What a couch potato sport. Banging helmets and heads, thumping chests. And I don't give a shit about any of it. (but invite me to your tailgate and I'll eat and drink and pretend)

    1. A woman after my own heart! I'll save you some Doritos and Bud Lights, Strayer.

    2. You are making me hungry, with that Doritos, Bud Light talk. Hmmmm. Breakfast?

  7. Football - no. Just no.

    Eating, though - yes! I'll bring my blueberry cheesecake. Is that too fancy for a tailgate?

    1. Blueberry cheesecake?! Bring it, sister! Like I told Strayer, I'll save you some Bud Lights and Doritos!

  8. I used to love the 49ers when Joe Montana was playing. But maybe I just loved Joe Montana. I'll get excited if the 49ers are in the playoffs. As for the Super Bowl, it's all about the commercials and the half-time show. Pass the beer.

  9. Attended a professional soccer game with 4 other women. We stayed in the bar area and finally found our seats for the last 5 minutes. I think we won but couldn't say for sure.