Thursday, November 20, 2014

Winter Sucks: A Poem

(Post copyright 2014, Dawn Weber)

Why do I live here?
Aw, hell -- I don't know,
November 18th,
Wind chill eight below.

Forty-five years now,
In this stupid state,
You'd think I'd adjust,
But, no -- I still hate.

Six inches of snow,
Came down overnight,
The whole yard is covered,
In "Acid-Rain White."

I'd call off from work, but
Grown-ups don't have snow days,
I must use vacation,
Or I will get no pay.

Why would I vacation,
In this loser place?
I'll get into work,
Just three hours late.

With cars on my rear,
And sliding around,
And more in the ditch,
All the way into town.

Walking into the building,
My eyes freeze all shut,
Can't see a dang thing, so
I fall on my butt.

I lie on the cold ground,
Contemplating this life,
Of five months of winter,
And six of gray skies.

Yeah. Why do I live here?
The fuck if I know.
One thing in its favor:
It's not Buffalo.


  1. LOL! Why the fuck do you live there? Funny stuff my friend. I feel for you from here in sunny, draught-ridden California. :)

  2. it is hard to be funny in Ohio in the winter, you do a good job.

  3. I'm still trying to figure out a better place to be on a year round basis. Ideal climate, no pending natural disasters or pestilence, and cheap living. Guess I'm looking for Shangri-La.

  4. That's so cute. Willy Dunne Wooters called Wednesday night to check on me because it was "so cold." I think it was 40. I appreciated his call, but I reminded him that I used to live where we'd get three feet of snow and it was zero degrees. It's 67 now (sorry).


  5. I feel for you. Yes, thank gawd you're not one of those poor bastards in Buffalo right now. They are getting hammered by the snow gods.

  6. It is summer which does my head in. And punishes my body.
    My heart goes out to the people in Buffalo though.

  7. Glad you can find the humor in it, Dawn. You're always welcome to come here to NJ and warm up. We're at a high of 36 degrees today. Hey, it's all relative.

  8. You're in Ohio? My stepson lives in Dayton. I can't stand the snow. Or the cold but I'd rather have it cold than snowy.

  9. Jayne - California?! I'm on my way!
    Anon - Why, thank you! Misery loves comedy.
    Jono - I know, right? Here in the Midwest, we don't have so many natural disasters. But we make up for it with miserable winters.
    Janie - Now, that's not very nice! ;) Stay warm, my southern friend.
    Debra - Oh, I know. They are just getting PUMMELED.
    Elephant - Summer does seem to be harder on the body as we grow older.
    Margaret - Thanks for stoppin in and drinking the Kool Aid!
    Lisa - You feel my frosty pain, then.
    JoJo - I am, and I lived in Dayton until I was two. Been in this state my whole life. (Kill me now, please).

  10. Your poem? It was great!
    But, I want you to know
    I also hate
    when the forecast says "snow."

  11. That's the truth, Al,
    And I'm right there with you,
    'Cause you're my pal,
    And snow makes me blue.

  12. Ah, yes, our posts and lives are in sync, Dawn. Yet I don't have snow on which to blame my falls. That's one good thing, maybe. ?? Yeah, right. I'll shut up now. Why the fuck do you live there? Move to California!

    PS You need to publish a Humorous Poetry book. I laugh my way through your poetics. xo

  13. LOL well as your know, we are definitely polar opposites on this subject :) but I loved your poem nonetheless. I wish you a fantastic Monday!