Sunday, December 18, 2011

You Spin Me Right Round. Like a 60s Crooner, Baby

Arguing with my best friend - a tradition since 1976.

Yeah, she's entitled to her opinion.

Too bad for her it's wrong.

"Green!" I say.
"Red!" she says.

She is a stellar mother, wife, daughter, church council member and director of food services for an entire state university. She has been my very best friend for nearly 30 years. Still, she is...


And frankly, I don't mind telling her so.

"No way, Amber! You know green is better. Come on!" I say.
"Uh-uh. Sorry. The red one is the best." she says.

She and I like to debate Very Important Issues. Such as politics, child rearing, religion and the Andy Williams Christmas albums.

Shut up. We're old. And, apparently, nerds.

In the 70s, over on Garfield Road, she grew up listening to the red-covered "Andy Williams Christmas Album" - the Red One - during the holidays.

Clearly Inferior

While a mile away, I spent my holidays listening to the Green One -"Merry Christmas" Andy Williams.

Obviously the right choice
Yep. From age four, the Green One was always the first Christmas record I loaded onto our big-azz wooden console stereo.

"Jing-a-ling! Jing-jing-a-ling!"

That's how it starts out, with "Sleigh Ride." Then, I'd begin my seasonal hobby of spinning in circles in front of the Christmas tree. The music, all those colors - they were everything. They brought magic, and I made it my mission to spin fast enough that my eyeballs would register the lights as one continuous blur.

Goalz: Even as a preschooler, I had them. Obviously, I was destined for greatness. And possibly autistic.

We didn't own the Red One, but lots of other folks did. So I tried spinning in circles as they played it on their big-azz console stereos. The first song?

"I'm dreaming of a white Christmas..."

Zzzzz. Lame. Try to spin fast enough to blur the lights with that one. I stopped spinning, plunked down and listened to the rest of it. Yeah, Andy still sang, but aside from "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year," the record stunk. Lacked a certain Je Ne Sais What.

It was clear that the Red One was for losers.

I told this to my best friend. Then, we argued.

We argued about it in the 70s, wearing polyester.
"Green!" I said.
We argued about it in the 80s, with spiral perms.
"Red!" she said.
We argued about it in the 90s, with our toddlers in tow.
"Green!" I said.

We argued this in her Buick. We argued in my Ford. We have argued this in our high school, our kitchens, on cruise ships, on the phone and on Facebook. The other day, I received this text from her:



Sorry about your luck, my BFF. Because I now have proof positive that the Green Andy Williams album is better. I found the following information about your Red One on, therefore it must be true.

See that, Amber? Wade here says that "Andy's consummate artistry was better in the 'Green Album'"... and that "I will go to play the "Green Album before the 'Red Album.'"

And it's not just Wade, no. Rodney also prefers the green:

"Christmas man" Rodney says that the Green One "has a little more christmas spark in it..."

What's that, BFF? Still not convinced? O.K.

As you can see, "Joshua" feels strongly about this.

So go ahead, Amber, play your loser Red One.

I'll be spinning and dancing in front of the tree, playing the Green One, along with Wade, Rodney, Joshua, the rest of "Mankin" and this cool cat:


  1. You make me want to rush right out to buy BOTH Andy Williams' Christmas albums (in red & green, as those are the traditional colors of Christmas) & decide for myself...

  2. Funny girl! Didn't Andy Williams have Christmas special every year? He had a wife, Claudette, who was convicted of killing her ski-pro boyfriend--if I remember right. Is he still alive? Memories...

  3. LOL! Sadly, I have neither of these albums, so I can't weigh in.

  4. Oh Lord, Andy Williams ?! Don't you think you oughta update to whats-his-name Bublé ?

  5. OMG, you are fried...and too damn funny. NO clue about either of these albums....I am ALLLLL about Michael Buble CHristmas. In 1976, I"m pretty sure he was about 21 inches tall though. HEE HEE.

  6. That was wonderful Dawn, i was dancing around with Joshua as I watched the video! Now I'm in the Christmas mood.

    Heidi - He did have a Christmas special every year and I used to watch it with my Mom while we baked cookies. His wife's name was Claudine Longet and her lover's name was Spider Sabich.

  7. Yep, we're clan. Part of that sisterhood of insistent opinions, but I'm older. Shut-up! So, I vote for Harry Bellafonte. Oh, and the old frisbee record from the 40's that played 'Santa got stuck in the chimmy' - Course that was back when Santa was male. Women do not get stuck in the brick works.
    Give your loved ones lumps of coal and go straight to jug wine. Happy Holidays.

  8. I am all about Christmas music that you can get up and dance to. So, I'm going to have to go with the green one too.

  9. The green album cover brings out his dreamy green eyes, so I'm with you. Who's the cute youngin in the video? Is her yours?

    Merry Merry, darlin'.

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  11. Yeah, I don't get in the middle of these arguments. Me, I'm listening to Pink Martini, Joy of the World.

  12. You silly, adorable woman. :-) I laughed throughout this, not something I normally do, but I LOVED the visual of you two arguing through the decades...


  13. I can't say I share your enthusiasm for Christmas music. I get tired of it pretty quickly. :P

  14. You're BOTH wrong!
    Obviously, "The Chipmunks' Greatest Christmas Hits" rocks.
    Funny post, by the way.
    But, seriously, Alvin wants a hula hoop.

  15. Not a big A. Williams fan so I cannot weigh in.
    I like the Elvis Christmas album from 1957; to me that's worth arguinbg about.
    Regardless, have yourself a merry little Christmas.

  16. I call it a draw as I doubt there is much between them, suspecting they will both burn equally well as I listen to some decent none Christmas music......Harsh but fair....

  17. My generation pushes back a little further... my parent's Christmas album of choice was "A Christmas Sing With Bing" (Crosby, did I need to add that?). This was played on a Hi-Fi (single speaker) on the new fancy vinyl 33 1/3 record.

    I am not a big fan of Christmas music anyway... particularly now that the Business Monopoly starts playing it the day after Halloween now.

  18. Kerbs - Don't bother with the Red One. Only...GREEN!
    Heidi - I vaguely remember those specials. I remember nothing of this "Claudette" of which you speaketh. Sounds juicy!
    Linda - Buy the Green One. NOW!!
    Zella - Nah. I only bother with extremely out-of-date singers at Christmas. It's my tradition, and I'm stickin' to it.
    DWei - Totally understand. ;)

    MTM - Again. I don't listen to Christmas albums from anyone born after me. Word.
    Joanne - I am glad the wacky Dancin' YouTube Andy Williams kid and I could help y'all with the Christmas spirit!
    Pool Diva - You had me at Jug wine. But how about Boxed wine? Meet ya at my place. Bring the Harry!
    Ruth and Eva - Come dance with me! To the Green One Only!!
    Robyn - Nah...the cool cat in the video isn't mine. My son is only 9. Love this fella in the youtube video, though. That is one secure fella.
    Hamlin - Thank you for your spam. Please come back! You bumped up my comment count!
    Ron - Yeah. Never get in the middle of two women. Unless it's being videotaped.
    Pearl - If I have made you laugh? My bloggy hero? Then I have clearly succeeded. :)
    Penwasser - "Chipmunks" does rock!
    Stemke - You too! I will check the Elvis album out on Spotify.
    BlackLog - I admit to being less in the mood for Christmas music this year. don't know why.
    Robert - I love me some Bing! That was spinning at my Grandparent's house. :)

  19. OMG
    I missed commenting! That explains the lumps of coal for christmas...
    I loved your comment on Pearls post today. My kind of woman. By the way, how many drawers are needed to stash stuff?

  20. Dawn - I'm freakin peeing my pants over here! At first I thought I was gonna have to bitch slap you because I thought this was the cheesiest post ever, then I read on! You freakin pulled out the Amazon review card and I was laughing so hard I almost woke up my kids! This might just be our BEST.POST.EVER! Well it made me laugh harder than ever, and you make me laugh on a regular basis, so in my book, this is! Happy New Year to YOU!

  21. If you ever decide to compromise, I think red and green make brown, so the neXt time you get in a Red!Green!Battle!, throw her for a loop and yeLL out, "BROWN!".