Thursday, March 10, 2011

Naked Blogging


Obviously, I need to do more Naked Blogging.

Jeez-Louise, people! During my last post - concerning the very vital, very riveting topic of Nude People Dancing - I received 7 new followers and 28 comments.

I'm bad - I'm nationwide, yo! In my own mind, for two days tops...

Yep - sex still sells. Actually, I should have known the last piece would rank high - Blogger stats say that my most-read post until now was "They Are Not Hooker Shoes!"

Apparently all I have to do to gain readership, and maybe someday possibly almost make a buck from my writing, is talk about something racy or tack on the word “naked.”

This, and a recent post by my friend Audubon Ron at Ducks Mahal, reminds me of the old fortune cookie game, in which you take the little paper predictions and attach the phrase "in bed" or "between the sheets." I.E. "You will have a memorable evening...in bed."

Maybe I should really run with it. Become the Naked Blogger in bed. Although the husband's not a fan of stripped strangers, he's appreciative of my nudity, and I'm sure this would be a big hit with him. Me, sitting around, laptop-on-ample-gut, buck nude and pecking away between the sheets.

This would, of course, mean that you all have to become my Naked Followers. You’d like that, woudn’t you? Haha. That’s because ya'all are a bunch of pervs like me between the sheets. I love it! naked in bed.

But as a mom, I could never completely pimp my blog with nudity. After all, everyone knows mothers never think of sex. I have two kids who can’t stomach their parents kissing, let alone (gasp!) anything else. No, these two hope that they appeared on this earth by magic, brought here via immaculate conception. Or maybe little pink bunnies in bed.

The children would not appreciate the visuals of me as a Naked Blogger, either. They get ill when I remove a bra under my shirt - highly offended and repulsed, apparently, by the fact that women have nipples.

So don't worry. My new-found very temporary popularity will not go to my head, I promise. I will keep my clothes on, much to my children's relief, and continue to explore such vital issues as cats on cars, the tooth fairy, endlessly awful Ohio weather, and Dairy Queen Blizzards in bed.

You're welcome between the sheets.
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25 comments:

  1. Heidi-"Heidi in Real Life"March 10, 2011 at 4:21 AM

    LOL! That is SOOOoooo true!! I think you should be "The Naked Blogger"--gotta get word out of your hilarious stuff somehow! And come on--they wouldn't have become followers if they didn't like what they read!

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  2. Michelle MinnichMarch 10, 2011 at 4:28 AM

    You are a riot. This reminded me of the Naked Cowboy in NYC.

    ...And of the little girl in last week's 3rd grade spelling bee who received the word "naked". In her cute little southern (NC) accent, she paused a proceeded to spell it: "N-E-K-E-D". Just like it sounds down here - NECK-ED.

    Thanks for the laugh!

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  3. WandaMarch 10, 2011 at 4:28 AM

    Okay. Wanted to be the first to comment but that damn Heidi beat me again. How can that be so when I love the nekkid between the sheets thing so much. Oy vey. Guess I will have to settle for being the first nekkid follower. So loved this one. Can so relate to the thoughts of your children, but who gives a damn. Go braless if you want to.

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  4. Jerry ZezimaMarch 10, 2011 at 5:09 AM

    Dawn, this is a clothes call. And a very funny column. Time to go back to bed. Later, I'll be three sheets to the wind. And naked.

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  5. artieMarch 10, 2011 at 5:22 AM

    You my lovely friend from a long ago time have a vivid imagation,but truthfuly I don't think I could ever say I haven't did that(cover yer eyes) Keep. Keeping us enterained ! Love Ya

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  6. joanne leeMarch 10, 2011 at 5:43 AM

    That was great Dawn! Naked is something that everyone can relate to (whether they admit it or not!) naked blogger sounds like pure fun! However, not only my children but my grandchildren read my blog! I can just see my granddaughter sitting in her dorm room reading about her naked grandmother, then running to the bathroom to throw up!

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  7. Linda G.March 10, 2011 at 6:19 AM

    LOL! I think I'm going to have to test out this theory on my blog.

    Um...you don't really have to be naked, do you? You can just say you're naked. Because it gets a little chilly here...

    ReplyDelete
  8. Audubon RonMarch 10, 2011 at 6:19 AM

    Hi Dawn, thanks for the link.

    Ummm, I kinda thought it was normal to surf in the nude. When she sees me that way, the Little Woman sings, "Jelly roll baby, you're my jelly roll man, jelly roll cupcake, I’m your jelly roll fan…”

    Well, I am 54 after all and maybe I got a little mid beginning to drift. For the Little Woman’s sake, good thing I’m into granny porn.

    Now just yesterday morning a big terrible storm passed over complete with lightning and thunder and I’m not exactly sure but some primordial genome switches on in me and gets me all aroused when it storms. So, I’m saying, safely surfing naked is good in preparation for a thunderstorm, so when the mood is right, I can be ready.

    Caution: Don’t take this comment if you have headaches, flushing, dyspepsia, nasal congestion, impaired vision, and heart disease and in rare cases see your doctor with erections lasting more than 4 hours.

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  9. laughingmomMarch 10, 2011 at 6:27 AM

    The Naked Blogger...sounds like a romance novel title?

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  10. Laurie FabrizioMarch 10, 2011 at 11:24 AM

    Dawn you are too funny. My daughters would never come home if they found out I was bogging naked.

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  11. Dawn in D.C.March 10, 2011 at 2:26 PM

    Alright, now you've done it. Now my husband wants me to be a naked blogger (hey! That's fun!)

    Thanks for stopping by my little blog. I love meeting new Dawns! And also too? I'm a Buckeye by marriage. My husband was born and raised. Lord, help me.

    I'll see ya round the blog'osphere!

    ReplyDelete
  12. tulpenMarch 10, 2011 at 3:39 PM

    I've blogged naked. And drunk. Possibly at the same time. With the door locked of course, kids are gonna need enough therapy just for having me as a Mom..they don't need to see the naked blogging, or naked anything else.

    I have no idea how I landed here by the way. And I'm not even drunk. Or naked.

    ReplyDelete
  13. KanaMarch 10, 2011 at 11:55 PM

    So THAT'S the secret to a higher hit count! I knew there must be a reason.

    You were recommended by a friend today, btw, so rest assured at least one hit WASN'T because of the sex tag!

    Good stuff, btw - I'll be back again for more again next post. :)

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  14. Meg at the Members LoungeMarch 11, 2011 at 10:43 AM

    My most famous story turned out to be prepping for a colonscopy. I get googled on "laxatives" all the time. Your story is way more intriguing!

    Stopping over from Dawn in DC!

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  15. PearlMarch 12, 2011 at 11:36 AM

    Hi, Dawn!

    Naked following?! You do know I'm in Minneapolis, don't you?! It's a little cold for naked, but I promise to take off my shirt off in May. :-)

    Pearl

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  16. boboMarch 12, 2011 at 1:03 PM

    You mean most people have clothes on when they blog? Good to know.

    Maybe that's why my co-workers were staring at me in disbelief when I was writing a post at work.

    Anywho, you could probably make money byu saying for a feww you'll write your post naked. That's it, just write a post, no pics or vid just the idea. I'm sure there are guys out there who will pay for that!

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  17. Lady EstrogenMarch 13, 2011 at 3:36 PM

    Thanks for visiting - yes, sex sure does sell! I agree 100%. LOL
    Hope to see you around :)

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  18. Classic NYerMarch 13, 2011 at 7:43 PM

    I was about to mention the Naked Cowboy, but somebody beat me to it! Personally, I think blogging should always be done naked. Especially when it embarrasses your kids!

    Stopping by from LBS

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  19. AnonymousMarch 13, 2011 at 7:45 PM

    too funny! I did a post entitled "Tit fot Tat" once and I was convinced I was going to have the sex toy companies knocking on my virtual door to advertise on my site. Hasn't happened yet. But there's always tomorrow.

    ReplyDelete
  20. MorganMarch 13, 2011 at 8:39 PM

    Oh yes! Thank you so much for dropping by my neck of the woods because now I'm on the naked bandwagon! Dairy Queen Blizzards in bed....oh jesus I about died when they opened the doors last week here in IL!

    ReplyDelete
  21. EmilyMarch 13, 2011 at 8:45 PM

    We must be destined to be friends b/c a) i'm obsessed with being naked b) my google key word search that results in people getting to my blog is "sexy faces" for some reason and c) i could eat dq blizzards alllll day ever day and die happy :) (ps: found u on Lady Bloggers!)

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  22. Dawn@Lighten Up!March 14, 2011 at 5:44 AM

    @Heidi - Being the Naked Blogger would surely take off. Damn this responsible parenthood stuff...
    @Michelle - lol-ing at NEKED! God love that little Southern squirt!
    @Wanda - my goal every evening? To get that thing off.
    @Jerry Z.- my very first naked male follower! You win!
    @Artie - Luv ya too, my buddy from up home. My eyes are covered, but I peek!
    @Joanne - Pesky parenthood always gets in the way of naked, no?
    @Linda - shhh...I'll never tell ;)
    @Ron - Like Jackson Browne, "You Love the Thunder," I guess. Here's hopin' for a 4-hour storm and granny porn!
    @Laughingmom-Indeed it does. Or a granny porn flick.
    @Laurie-my daughter would be hiding with yours, no doubt!
    @DC Dawn - Yes, those Buckeye boys are a big fan of Naked Blogging. Or maybe they are just men.
    @Tulpen - Drunk or naked, I am so glad you landed here and I got to check out your fab blog. Write a book, you're awesome!
    Kana - loved your blog also and please DO come back. Although I can't promise more naked. I might lose my Cheer Mom friends!
    @Meg - I am not looking forward to any kind of colonoscopy blog. I'm getting to that age, though.
    @Pearl - world famous blogger Pearl! Thank you soo much just for stopping by. Love your stuff, lady!
    @Bobo - Bloggin' at work, naked. I like your style!
    @Estrogen - VERY glad I stopped by your place the other day. So intriguing! ;)
    @NY - yes, I am all for embarrassing the kids. It's my daily goal - besides getting my bra off at the end of the day.
    @Saucy - I am waiting for the sex toy companies to contact me. Unfortch my daughter reads this. Dangit!
    @Morgan - You had me at DQ Blizzards. I'll be back to see you!
    @Emily - My new friend, I'll be right over to see you, Blizzard in hand ;)

    ReplyDelete
  23. AmiMarch 14, 2011 at 8:37 AM

    Now wait just a minute here... I did NOT start following you because of the naked. No no no!!

    I started following you because YOU followed me FIRST.

    But you should totally look up 'Cletoris' on my blog's search box.

    No, it's not a misspelling of part of the female anatomy. I once advanced it as a possibility for the plural of Cletus, who lived across the street with his crop of half brights. (They gave him 'Happy Birthday Uncle Daddy' cards every year, I think).

    Anyway, I said all that to say this.

    Cletoris is my number one search word. And it's usually someone from the sexually repressed middle East who really can't spell but wants to see something pretty badly.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Ms. BlaséMarch 14, 2011 at 11:42 AM

    I just nominated you for a blog award! I hope that you will accept it :) Whatever you decide to do, have a stupendous week!!!

    ReplyDelete
  25. Lady EstrogenMarch 20, 2011 at 4:51 PM

    I don't think my chair would be too appreciative, to be honest ;)

    ReplyDelete

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