Friday, March 25, 2011

Tell The Boss You're Off On Fridays. Because I Said So.



(post copyright 2011, Dawn Weber)

It's Friday. So sorry - but I'm closed.

In fact, by the power wasted on me, I hereby declare Fridays off. For everyone. From this day forward.

I can almost see your smiles, hear your sighs of relief at this wonderful news. Really, it was no bother for me to grant you a four-day workweek. I know, I know - you want to hug me. Just send cash.

My decision to give us all a reduced schedule is based on extensive research, with the following very scientific findings:

A. I am tired, and...
B. I need a nap since...
C. all I do is work and...
D. lots of folks tell me they feel the same way.

Want to know why?

For the most part - I think Americans work too much. We also work too damn hard. Do the math: Five of the seven days in a week, we use up HALF (or more) of our waking hours at jobs. HALF! Or More!

Somebody get me a Xanax.

Seriously, though - teachers spend more days with my kids than I do, and I spend much more time with my co-workers than my family.

I know that, for many decades, this is the way things have been. But please - tell me the name of the person responsible for deciding that we MUST work five days, 40 hours a week to earn benefits and a decent wage. If he's still around, send him my way - because I'd really like to kick him. Directly in the ass.

I do have some good news related to my decision to change your hours: There is some trending towards an altered schedule. Utah state employees - along with many American businesses - have adopted the four-ten hour work-week with great, money-saving results.

I found the following info on the Internet (therefore it must be true). Many four-day work-week supporters say such a schedule:
  • Increases employee productivity
  • Increases time spent with family
  • Increases employee happiness

Yeah. But can't you just hear The Man?: "Employee happiness? Ha! Who cares about that?"

True, in this employers’ market, increasing workers’ morale doesn’t usually rank as a priority. Today's business motto? “Shut Up and Work - You're Lucky to Have a Job.”

So how about these assertions from the same site, which state that four-day work-weeks:
  • Reduce labor costs for businesses
  • Reduce operational costs for businesses, in the form of decreased security, energy and utility expenses
  • Reduce employee absenteeism
  • Increase productivity

Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Boss.

Anyway, screw him. I've decided I am your supervisor today, hence my decision to give all of us another day off. Because, simply put, if no one worked on Fridays, then no one else would have to work on Fridays. Word.

Stores could close. Offices could close. Banks could close. We could all stay home and spend more time with our loved ones. What a concept.

Imagine the savings! Imagine the reduced stress! Imagine the lack of dummies on the road traffic!

For the love of all that’s holy, people. Imagine the NAPS!

29 comments:

  1. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwd!
    Just the thought makes me woozy. I have to take exception though. What would all those people who walk in on Friday and say - "well we made it to Friday" - say? Their entire worlds would be totaly off kilter. I've been waiting for this particular Friday for 2 weeks, putting of trips to the dr's for need antibiotics and other needed things just to get to the day the DR. will inject my back. If he wasn't working today I'd still be in pain - or under the influence of margaritas, which in that case the pain injections wouldn't be needed and he could take the day off. Good idea Dawn. Join me on the beach at the bar when the sun comes up. I'm telling the boss to kiss it on the way out.

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  2. I've always believed in the work 4 days/3 off mentality! What's another couple of hours? Joanie

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  3. I was on a four day work week for about 15 years. Before it was cool and stuff. Then I figured out how to get paid 40 hours for 20 hours work, nobody was doing that, then I figured out how to lay myself off, I'm way ahead of the cool curve. Now I need to figure out how not to die from too much house work and yard work. Being a wife is the hardest job I ever had. Srsly.

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  4. I hope this decree extends into Canada too! I would love a 4/3 work week.

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  5. I agree with you. Especially since I put in over 40 hours between Monday and Thursday.

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  6. Ha

    The way my job is, Mondays and Fridays are intense and busy. I have these dead periods sometimes between Tuesday and Thursday. You Friday off people have your fun.

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  7. I've been "off" on Fridays for years. Pretty sure my batteries are run down and my productivity is at an all time low and I'm a dreamin' of another Tequila Sunrise. They're just lucky if I get in the door...on time.

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  8. the department of education in Maine is considering changing school to a 4-day week. it will only work if employers do the same, as childcare will become a problem for working parents. I'm retired. I have Zero days work week.

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  9. I took your advice and told my boss that you were my supervisor today and that I was going to watch the football instead of work.
    I got fired.

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  10. Worked someplace once that allegedly advocated for them. But Cruella de Ville would sit and twirl her hair in meetings and say out loud "I'm not sure if you all really deserve this schedule". Can I give you my 2 week notice, Cru?

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  11. I'm all for the 4 day work week, only can I tweak the schedule a little? How about Wednesdays off? Then you work two days, get a day off, work two days, get two days off. Almost like having two Fridays a week... Just a thought.

    Love the idea though. When you are your own boss, you can be a bit more flexible, but sometimes that includes working well into and over night.

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  12. Works for me.

    I took a nap this afternoon.

    Does it count that I had to be at work at 6:15 this morning?

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  13. I'm for every day off and check each week for the time we don't show up to annoy the boss.

    My day off is Thur so I can do dr appt, critique group, etc. I really miss not having Sat off - that was a baby play day.

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  14. Ever since the nudist bar in Key West, I've been sure you should run for public office. I'm not heavily political, but I'd definitely wear your button and sport you bandit sign in my front yard! :-)

    I couldn't agree more. I spend Saturday and Sunday DREADING all the "fun" stuff I have planned to compensate for working like a dog. Isn't that pathetic???

    Really loved this! Vote DAWN 2012!!!

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  15. Okay, so I didn't realize I was logged in as my husband when I left the following comment. I'm re-commenting because I'm an idiot and because George ain't gonna take credit for MY COMMENT!!! :-)

    Ever since the nudist bar in Key West, I've been sure you should run for public office. I'm not heavily political, but I'd definitely wear your button and sport you bandit sign in my front yard! :-)

    I couldn't agree more. I spend Saturday and Sunday DREADING all the "fun" stuff I have planned to compensate for working like a dog. Isn't that pathetic???

    Really loved this! Vote DAWN 2012!!!

    March 26, 2011 10:44 AM

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  16. Oh how I wish I had read this yesterday. I wasted a whole day at work! Visiting from the Lady Bloggers Tea Party! :)

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  17. Hey! I'm visiting from the Tea Party and Now I'm a follower!! You made me smile!

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  18. Can we start this movement? Like seriously? (Oh, what am I kvetching about? I'm a freelancer, haha! I work eight-day weeks voluntarily!)

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  19. A 4 day work week would be heaven!! Work on that and you'll have a country-wide parade of supporters!

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  20. I work 1/2 days on Fridays then have a lunch date with hubby!

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  21. First off, I have your Xanax and you can't have them back! Second, LOVE this one! I worked SOOO many hours when I worked outside of the home (hell, I still work a lot...matter of fact, I have no days off)! Wish you would have posted this back then. I would have printed it off and handed to my boss as my excuse on a weekly basis (as I kicked him in the balls....screw kicking him in the ass, the balls would be more effective for my getaway). Good job Dawn, good job! Now take the day off!

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  22. I have four night classes in a row, through dinnertime every night, on all but Friday, so at my second job, scheduled myself off on Fridays. This is a first; I'll let you know how it goes but I am looking forward to having one day during spring when I can do some yardwork and much-needed cleanup here at home. Of course, everyone else here is still on the 5-day schedule so it will just be me... wait, that's sounding better all the time (not that I don't love 'em but a little unobligated alone time is a good thing...)

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  23. -Wanda, I will happily join you at the beach bar for a mimosa. Anytime!
    -Joanie, glad to see you've drank the Kool Aid of four days. A happier place, no?
    -Ron, yes, being a "wife" is definitely the hardest job ever. Luckily, I have one also. She comes in once a week and makes $15 an hour cleaning. I love her. We're very happy together.
    -Bobo, of course it extends to you all! I would not let down my Candadian bloggy homies!
    -Dawn Great Dawns think alike!Zzzzzz
    -OT - you are DEFINITELY entitled to Fridays off. Want me to come beat up your boss? I have skillz.
    -Lance - You just need a different job. ;)
    -Nurse Mommy-Oh, eff 'em. Stick it to the Man!
    -Eva, I agree with you...Fridays Off needs to be a nationwide movement, so that childcare issues are SOLVED!
    -Meg, Cruella DeVille must be stopped. I hope you showed her some ass to kiss on the way out the door. ;)
    -Tony, if that is the case, more naps for you! ;)
    -Pixie, I love the Wednesday idea. It's actually my 3rd choice for a day off, after Fridays or Mondays.
    -Ami, naps ALWAYS count in my book. ;)
    -Sharon, Saturdays off are MANDATORY! It's part of the whole Friday package!
    -Jen, "George" and Better - I accept your nomination for President! I will run on the platform of Fridays off for all. Thank you for your nomination!
    -Cam and Wendie, thanks for visiting from the Tea Party and drinking my Kool Aid!
    -NYer - I have a friend that used to call my freelancing "Freeloading." He had no idea how much 24/7 work it actually was.
    -Heidi, will you be my campaign manager?
    -Joanne, lunch dates are MANDATORY for the Friday Off lifestyle.
    -Christy, girl! Give my Xanax back!
    -Gale, enjoy your time. I KNOW you deserve it. We all do.

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  24. Hello new friend : ) And can I just say, cheers to this 4/3 notion!

    I completely agree that it's pretty twisted to spend more time at work than with our families. Husband and I are (naively) planning on both having part-time jobs, so we can spend more time with the (future) offspring and each other.

    Imagine if schools stayed on the 5/7 schedule... "TGIF, Husband! Time to hang out naked all day again!"

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  25. oops! I meant 4/7, 5/7... my bad.

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