(post and memes - not photos - below, copyright 2012, Dawn Weber)
Betty White turned 90 years old last week.
Still. I bet she could kick my ass - and yours. With only her words.
She's short. She's blonde. She's naughty. Sound familiar?
Oh, I love me some Betty. My mom love Betty. My 14-year-old daughter - she love Betty.
My late grandma - born one year before her - loved Betty. And I bet that somehow, someway, even Upstairs, grandma still love Betty.
Hell. Everybody love Betty, because she's keepin' it real.
Betty, you're so awesome that I'd like to take you out for your birthday. Yeah, I'd fly to L.A., come to your house, and ring your doorbell. Everybody knows - you love pets. I bet you have a bunch of them, and that when you opened the door, your dogs would go ape-shit, barking and whatnot.
I wonder, then, What Would Betty Say (W.W.B.S.)?
You and I, Betty, we'd hop in your Cadillac and hit Sunset Strip. Cruising along, a cool 20 m.p.h. in the left hand lane, folks honkin', swearing, trying to pass on the right. It would make me angry. I'd yell at those a-holes:
"This is Betty-damn-White, and she's 90! Go the hell around us!"
But Betty, it wouldn't bother you. You'd stay cool as a cucumber, wouldn't you?
As we drove, Betty, you and I would discuss things, like that fact that you are - undeniably - old. So I would say:
"Betty, you're old. What's it like?"
What Would Betty Say?
I'd take you dancing, Betty, oh yes I would, at the Viper room, and I'd pull you out on the floor. Dudes would come up, ask us to dance, because yeah - we're still hot like that.
Oh, I love Betty. She pimpin' what she got.
Sure, haters gotta hate and talk over-exposure, but for the most part, everybody love Betty right now.
And isn't it about damn time? Finally, FINALLY we appreciate, honor and respect a woman who isn't a 105-lb., 23-year-old.
There is, in every woman, a little bit of Betty. And there are Betties everywhere. Resting in the branches of your family tree. Sitting alone in the halls of your local nursing home. Coasting in the fast lane of your nearest interstate. Every-Betties.
They all deserve some Betty love.
At 40-damn-two, I am just a baby. But when I grow up, I want to be a Betty.
Because she? Is still bold. Still working. Still somewhat blonde.
Betty White is still here. And still, decidedly. . .
This post is for my Aunt Dee, who recently passed on, and my Grandma, Laura, who were sisters.
Betty White, in looks and mannerisms, always reminds me of a cross between the two of them.
I love and miss you both.
You were both - decidedly - badass.
How I wish you were both still here.