(post copyright 2011, Dawn Weber. Note: Names have been changed to protect the
The teacher had no idea how I ended up in advanced English. She said I had the penmanship of a mentally challenged first-grader.
"It really is amazing," Mrs. Emm told me, many times. "You sure don't have the handwriting of a smart person."
But that wasn't the reason she threw a book at my head.
Ah...the 80s: when a kid could be a kid and a teacher could throw stuff at a kid.
She had every reason to hurl things at me. I'd known about the term paper for nine weeks. It was a huge, multi-paged headache chunk of our passing grade, our ticket out of high school and into college.
And when did I choose to start this important work?
The day before.
It wasn't that I didn't want to write it - I just had more important things to do. Such as drive around town in my Ford Ranger. Pursue my budding McDonald's career. Also, attend parties.
I found myself skipping school the morning before the paper's due date, to stay home and get it done. Truancy, procrastination, sloppiness, all with a Guns 'n Roses soundtrack. That's how I rolled then to the best of my recollection...
But I wasn't a very good felon, because when I sat down to scribble out my paper, I realized I'd forgotten all the needed notes in my locker. Conveniently located directly outside Mrs. Emm's door.
Delinquency: not my strong suit.
Note to 1987 self: Hey Dummy. When skipping school to catch up on homework, remember to take necessary books and papers with you the day before.
So before I could frantically write the term paper "stay home sick," I had to drive my sorry ass to the school. I parked and snuck in, past Mrs. Emm's open classroom door to my locker. Gathered the needed notes, quietly shut the metal door and...
Mrs. Emm: "I SEE you out there!"
Me: "Oh....hi Mrs. Emm! How are you?"
Mrs. Emm: "How are YOU? I thought you were home SICK today?"
Me: "Yeah...uhhhh...but I forgot something and had to get it."
Mrs. Emm: "Dawn, do you have your term paper done?"
Me: "Yeah, um, not just yet."
Mrs. Emm: "Dawn. When did you START your term paper?"
*cue Crazy Teacher Eyes.*
All five feet of her body tensed. She pivoted and balanced, flung her arm back, then pitched her extra-heavy! teacher's manual forward. Toward my thick teen-aged skull.
Wow. She had one hell of an arm on her. If I hadn't ducked, I'd probably now be drooling in the nursing home.
Me *tiny voice*: "Mrs. Emm?"
Mrs. Emm: "You've known about this the ENTIRE nine weeks! You just started today?"
*More Crazy Teacher Eyes.* *Walking towards me...*
Well. Clearly it was time for me to get back home to the business of truancy. Right away.
I ran out of the school and drove to the house. Ploughed through an all-nighter and finished the paper, ending up in ample trouble with my Mom and the principal for skipping school. I think I received a very generous, probably undeserved "C" for the piece.
Mrs. Emm felt terrible for her book-hurl. As I recall, she apologized to both my Mom and I.
She didn't have to, because I learned a valuable nearly fatal lesson. I never procrastinated again. My work is ALWAYS on-time, and sometimes even legible if it's typed.
To this very day, when I consider putting off a project, I see flying books.
And *Crazy Teacher Eyes.*
Note: Ms. Blase over at The Unpopular Girl in Womanhood has given me my very first award, the Versatile Blogger Award.
Thank you, Ms. Blase! Check out her awesome blog here. The rules for this award are:
- Thank the person who gave you the award
- Share 7 things about yourself
- Pass the award to up to 10 versatile bloggers
- Let those bloggers know that you gave them the awardAlrighty then! Here we go:
I am afraid of these things, all of which have already happened (in some degree) to me.
- being in a car accident with a semi.
- being in a car accident on a bridge, plummeting into water.
- strangers breaking into my home in the middle of the night.
-Although I drive my sorry ass into the city every day, I secretly wish I was I was a farmer. Because I love animals, the outdoors, and I REALLY love tractors. Don't judge.
-I am OCD-weird about recycling, and feel terrible when I throw out something recyclable.
- I can: play piano, make stained glass windows, pencil-draw, make mosaics, make jewelry, take some pretty good photographs ;).
-I can't (but wish I could): play electric guitar, sing, paint with oils and/or acrylics, sculpt
I hereby award the Versatile Blogger Award to: