He calls them the 'Dead Hooker Shoes.'
I prefer the term 'Dancing Shoes.'
My husband's only saying that because they light up... and strobe...with clear heels...and red lights.
O.K. So The Shoes aren't, how you say, 'subtle.' But believe me - I'm a 41-year-old mother of two. I've had enough 'subtle'.
And I'm not selling or giving away anything, especially, er, THAT. The only thing I put out around this place is peanut butter sandwiches.
You hungry?
Anyway, look at These Shoes!
In These Shoes, I am the Dancing Queen. Young and sweet. Only 17! (And I am so NOT a dead hooker...)
No one in These Shoes fixes peanut butter sandwiches. No one in These Shoes listens to whining. No one in These Shoes wipes a counter, a face, or a baby bottom.
Women (hell - even certain men) wearing These Shoes have fun! There is dancing! There is craziness! There is debauchery!
If you're not careful, there is jail time!
And? There most definitely is NO peanut butter anywhere near These Shoes.
Need a night out? Slip 'em on. Need a party? These Shoes will bring it. Need a dance floor? These Shoes strobe like the one below John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever.
I don't get to wear them much. Because,dancing, at my age, does not happen often.
When I do, people love them. The women (and again - even certain men) want to know where I got them.
If I am busy dancing, this is what my-husband-the-cop tells them:
"I got them off a dead hooker, at work in the city. Yeah, she didn't need them anymore..."
Nice. He's lying, of course. He's such a hater of These Shoes. I don't listen to him. Ever. He is just jealous because his police boots don't have strobes.
Mr. Cop was nowhere around the night I was threatened for my dancing kicks. That's right - one of my girlfriends saw a woman looking at my feet, then telling her friend:
"I just want to knock her down and take her shoes."
Oh no she did-n't! Listen here, lady...you do not know who you are dealing with. Anyone trying to steal my Party-Pumps will get a quick, Lucite, battery-powered heel planted squarely in their behind.These Shoes will go nowhere but my feet, understand?
Because, I'll tell you what, I've never had a bad time in them. When the little lights burn out, I'll scour the web and find replacements.
And when my lights burn out, and I'm done dancing for good, they'll go to my daughter.
After all, she loves them, too. I've taught her one of life's important lessons: Only the best shoes have batteries.
Great legs, Dawn.
ReplyDeleteWhy can't a fantasy involve these shoes, a grilled peanut butter sammich, a cold Sam Adams and a night where I don't have to get up in the morning?
And baseball.
Dawn, they are everything I dreamed of and more. I also love the Stevie Nicks twirling skirt! Fabulous...now off to ebay to find me a pair!!
ReplyDeleteI think I need a pair. Those are even better than one of those programmable "marquee" belt buckles!
ReplyDeleteRick, thanks! But who said they were my legs? Stacey, I thought you would enjoy this. It's just for fun. Robin - where is the belt buckle of which you speak?! I must have it!
ReplyDeleteOf course you have light up dancing shoes and they are fabulous! Dancing Queen is one of my all time favorite songs for obvious reasons! I have very similar shoes I might add but I didn't wear them no my bday (sign)! No dancing for me!
ReplyDeleteHi Mrs. Dawn, I've been searching for light up shoes for a while now and the only ones I come upon are stripper heels. I was wondering if you could tell me where you got these light up shoes. Thanks! Madison
ReplyDeleteMadison,my dear, I got these at...wait for it...wait for it...Walmart.Yep. Around prom time in the spring, about 7 years ago. Happy hunting!
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