Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Ode to a Shoe - Fetish

(post copyright 2014, Dawn Weber)

I don't have a problem,
I can quit if I want to,
These shoes are like friends,
And who the hell asked you?

The closet floor's covered,
But I don't really care,
Green rug like the bedroom,
Not much under there.

It's true that their numbers
Rise into the hundreds,
They're all necessary,
Hey - "Hoarders" ain't called yet.

I've pumps, mules and flip-flops,  
Slides, sneakers and Mocks,
And, heaven help me,
One pair of red Crocs.

I've boots made for walking,
And shoes made to run,
No jogging these days though,
Fuck that. I am done.

The husband dislikes it,
When I go to the store,
There's no room for his shoes,
Mine take the whole floor.

"You bought shoes?" he asks me.
"Really? Can't you abstain?"
But they were on sale.
And he protests in vain.

I don't see the issue,
I don't let it phase me,
He knows he can't fight it,
If he wants to touch me.

See, shoes make me happy,
Shoes make me dance,
'Cause shoes always fit,
Unlike my pants.


  1. I knew there was a strong connection between us. I'm not counting my shoes anymore. I don't want to know how many, I just want to know they are there.

  2. LOL! I'm guessing your muse is very well-heeled. ;)

  3. lol I did not know a pair of shoes equals sex!

  4. I own four pairs of shoes and two pairs of slippers. That's twice as many as I had when I was a kid. So life is good.

  5. You need a support group :-) and red crocs? Those should be illegal! Loved the humor in your post :)

  6. You are so lucky you can find shoes that fit. It's been a nonstop problem my whole life. I own like 6 pairs of shoes and that includes winter boots, hiking boots, sneakers, dress shoes and ....OK I have 4 pairs of shoes.

  7. I loved when I worked in a shoe store and got discounts. Sadly, I don't have too many shoes these days.

  8. I have noticed that about shoes-no matter how much weight you gain, your shoes never seem to feel snug. I'm sure feet CAN get fat, but you don't hear too much about it.

  9. Oi! I love shoes. Recently I found turquoise and taupe sandals that are so perfect with my turquoise and pink Lily Pulitzer pants and the turquoise Lily Pulitzer top. I have the most amazing closet. It has all these wonderful cubby holes. I don't know how the previous owners use them, but they are my shoe storage. Your poem is excellent, outstanding, and hilarious.


  10. An addiction I don't have. Perhaps because it is hard to find shoes which will fit...
    Loved your poem though.

  11. Wanda - always there for us. Like good friends.
    Linda - she is indeed! Except when she wears red Crocs.
    Ray - maybe not, but no shoes equals no sex.
    Debra -'Want to borrow some of mine?
    Optimist - I do! 12 steps, one day at a time.
    JoJo - As I told Debra, want to borrow?
    Ruth - So many ladies without many shoes! I'm starting to feel bad. Nahhhh...
    Al - That is true, with the exception of pregnancy . I was down to one pair of shoes that fit. It wasn't ' pretty.
    Janie - See? That's what I'm talking about! Your closet sounds great. Any room in there?
    Elephant - I'm of the opinion that everyone has some kind of addiction. This is mine. Well, one of mine.

  12. I have nine pairs of shoes.

    And that's just at work. :-)

    Lovely poem, as usual, Miz Dawn.


    1. I'm just glad I'm not the only one who keeps shoes at work. There's a box of them under my desk! That's a whole 'nother mess.

  13. Oh, yes! Yes!! Yes!!!
    mmm...'scuse me.
    I just love shoes, too.

  14. Ha! I share your fetish, Dawn. As they say, if the shoe fits . ..

  15. I don't have a problem with my wife buying shoes... because I'm a bit of a "shoe whore" myself (her term, not mine). I like having an assortment of moderately stylish shoes. No Crocs or Mocks for this guy, though; my favorite pair would have to be my lucky writer's shoes, which have a keyboard on the sole.


  16. Hahaha! Oh my, Dawn, I am still laugh at your last line! Thank you! I never thought of it that way. Damn pants always start to fail us after just one washing. WTF?! We must use the wrong detergent, right? But shoes? Glorious shoes. I can't believe how many I have, yet I don't collect much of anything else. Plus, I keep donating shoes to Goodwill. They multiply or something. Strange.

    Hope you are well, girlie.

  17. I remember the days when I had a pair of shoes and matching handbag for every outfit. Now I live in FitFlops and paddock boots. Although, I do have a lovely pair of black suede heels, brand new, still sitting in their box unworn. Hope springs eternal.