Tuesday, January 24, 2012

What Would Betty White Say?

(post and memes - not photos - below, copyright 2012, Dawn Weber)

Betty White turned 90 years old last week.

Still. I bet she could kick my ass - and yours. With only her words.

She's short. She's blonde. She's naughty. Sound familiar?

Oh, I love me some Betty. My mom love Betty. My 14-year-old daughter - she love Betty.

My late grandma - born one year before her - loved Betty. And I bet that somehow, someway, even Upstairs, grandma still love Betty.

Hell. Everybody love Betty, because she's keepin' it real.

Betty, you're so awesome that I'd like to take you out for your birthday. Yeah, I'd fly to L.A., come to your house, and ring your doorbell. Everybody knows - you love pets. I bet you have a bunch of them, and that when you opened the door, your dogs would go ape-shit, barking and whatnot.

I wonder, then, What Would Betty Say (W.W.B.S.)?

You and I, Betty, we'd hop in your Cadillac and hit Sunset Strip. Cruising along, a cool 20 m.p.h. in the left hand lane, folks honkin', swearing, trying to pass on the right. It would make me angry. I'd yell at those a-holes: 

"This is Betty-damn-White, and she's 90! Go the hell around us!"

But Betty, it wouldn't bother you. You'd stay cool as a cucumber, wouldn't you?


As we drove, Betty, you and I would discuss things, like that fact that you are - undeniably - old. So I would say:

"Betty, you're old. What's it like?"

What Would Betty Say?

I'd take you dancing, Betty, oh yes I would, at the Viper room, and I'd pull you out on the floor. Dudes would come up, ask us to dance, because yeah - we're still hot like that. 


Oh, I love Betty. She pimpin' what she got. 

Sure, haters gotta hate and talk over-exposure, but for the most part, everybody love Betty right now.

And isn't it about damn time? Finally, FINALLY we appreciate, honor and respect a woman who isn't a 105-lb., 23-year-old. 

There is, in every woman, a little bit of Betty. And there are Betties everywhere. Resting in the branches of your family tree. Sitting alone in the halls of your local nursing home. Coasting in the fast lane of your nearest interstate. Every-Betties.

They all deserve some Betty love.

At 40-damn-two, I am just a baby. But when I grow up, I want to be a Betty.

Because she? Is still bold. Still working. Still somewhat blonde.

Betty White is still here. And still, decidedly. . .


This post is for my Aunt Dee, who recently passed on, and my Grandma, Laura, who were sisters.
Betty White, in looks and mannerisms, always reminds me of a cross between the two of them.

I love and miss you both. 

You were both - decidedly - badass.

How I wish  you were both still here.


  1. You have a warm and compassionate heart. Such a softy!


  2. Honey badger on Betty White's shoulder--priceless! Very funny and touching.

  3. Who does NOT want to hang with Betty White? I love Betty because she is much like my own Betty, my mom Betty Cady, who died in 2003 of an aneurysm she suffered while climbing up and down a ladder to wash, starch, iron and rehang double-tiered curtains in her 9-foot ceilinged kitchen. She had only just given up changing her own oil in her car the year before (when she was only 83). She had her own tools. She cooked things from scratch. She was one of the world's greatest listeners and givers of unconditional love. She'd tell you what she thought, and you'd better be ready to hear it. Like Betty White, she defied age and gender stereotypes and was impatient with helplessness and absolutely did not tolerate laziness. God I miss her so much. <3

  4. Terrific column Dawn! You made me think of all the Bettys in my life- something I don't do nearly enough of.

  5. Betty White is my hero! I adore her. I'm sorry, but you can't be her when you grow up, because I will already be her, and I doubt the world could stand the awesomeness of two Betty Whites at the same time. ;)

  6. I am so not cool enough to roll with Betty White...

  7. I'd hang with Betty.
    She be trippin'.

  8. I'm sure your tribute made Betty proud. Your Auntie and Grandma too.

  9. Betty has it goin on! It will be a sad day when she leaves us.

    What a beautiful tribute to your Aunt & Grandmother. Hugs Dawn.

  10. Me likes Betty, she way cool. You do good tribute to her age and stayin' power.
    I can't quite talk like you Dawn, but this post was fascinating.

  11. WWBS? She's say you is one bad ass momma and she loves your spirit. WWWS? ditto

  12. My husband and I were chatting the other day about being grandparents. I told him I didn't want to be a little old lady grandma, I want to be a Betty White grandma! You know, when I get old, which I am not.

  13. Hot damn and dam straight! I love this post! Betty White might be the original honey badger. :)

  14. I love strong woman, especially badass mamas with a Betty White gene. You know your mom and your aunt are raising Hell in the Heavens. Great post Dawn.

  15. I'm confident than in an alternate universe, Betty White, Aunt Dee and Grandma Laura are kicking ass together.

  16. Betty White is indeed teh awesome!

    and hugs for you. You're just as badass as Betty White!

  17. You're kind of an asshole. Here I am laughing along and then I get to the end where the laughing is abruptly brought to a halt due to the constricting of my throat. That happens when those pesky emotions try to kick in. So, let me repeat...you're an asshole.

    And this post was a decidedly bad ass, and lovely, dedication.

  18. Dawn... you will be just like Betty! Seriously. I love your classy and crass mouth - just like Betty's. :-)

  19. RJ - shhh...don't tell anyone!
    Heidi - touching what?
    Gale - your Betty sounds awesome. Wish I could have met her!
    Jeff - love the Betties! Love them all!
    Linda - there is always room for more Betties!!
    2 Peeps and Adam - Indeed
    NY - of course you are cool enough. Betty loves everyone!
    Penwasser - Represent!
    Lisa - thanks!
    Pixie - thank you! I bet Grandma and Aunt Dee especially love all the cussing and gangsta speak! ;)
    Anthony - you gave it a good try. Word to yo Mama.
    Bragon - she cute alright. She crazy, too. I love Betty. Have I mentioned that?
    Wanda - WWDS? She misses her FOAS.
    Dawn - of course you're a Betty White Grandma! Because you're a Dawn! Word.
    Diva - strong women rock. Can't get much stronger than our Betty.
    Heather - she is! She is the original Honey Badger!
    Dwei - that was sweet. Love it. :)
    Bobo - you're adorable. Hugs back to you, my sweet.
    Vixen - i love it when you compliment my post and call me an asshole in the same thought. My kinda chick. A Betty for sure.
    Jen - Thank you - that's high praise! I am only half her age - I have years to perfect my badass technique. :)