Friday, August 12, 2011

My 25-Damn-Year-Class-Reunion. Must Be Mistake - I'm Only 29

(Photo by Dan Drotleff, Post by Dawn Weber, copyright 2011)

Well, Google thinks I'm old. So it must be true.

Yes, it's a well-known fact that Google collects ages and other user demographics. And now every web page I visit with "Google Ads" has great news for me:

"How to Build Muscle When You're Older!"
"Lose Middle-Age Belly Fat the Easy Way!"
"In your 50s? Try this one weird trick to fall asleep at night!"

My 50s?! WTF?

Google is an asshole.

As if the all-knowing search engines weren't enough to make me feel ancient, I am helping to plan my 25-damn-year class reunion.

Wait, what?

You heard that right. Let me say it again so that maybe I'll start to believe it:

Twenty-Five-Damn-Year-Class-Reunion. Yes, that's its official name - according to me.

Time is also an asshole.

I am not sure where the years went. I am not sure how this happened, where I was, what I was doing.

Wait. I take that back. I know where I was - at work.

Yes, it's been a fast 25 years, a fulfilling life, full of riveting activities and achievements. Such as sitting in cubicles! Driving amongst dummies in traffic! Loading dishwashers and changing several hundred thousand diapers!

And soon enough, somebody will be changing my diapers.

Happy Thoughts: You're still at the wrong blog.

But this Twenty-Five-Damn-Year-Reunion got me thinking about things. Pondering Deep, Meaningful Bullshit about life, aging and the way things used to be, long time ago when we was fab.

My school, the old Springfield Local High School, was built in the 1920s. A crumbling building even when I was there in the 80s, full of dust and asbestos, it sits on State Route 170 near cornfields and the Petersburg, Ohio post office. We called it "The Shoe Factory." Because it looks like a shoe factory.

Here are my Top Ten Ways to Know You're From Old School Springfield Local, a.k.a. The Shoe Factory:

10. You knew that the first day of deer season? All boys (and several girls) would be absent.
9. The school parking lot contained four pickup trucks for every one car.
8. To this day, you know when corn in any given field is ready for the John Deere combine.
7. You can clearly remember the "Asbestos Removal" men in the building. Working in head-to-toe Haz-Mat suits. As you ambled past in jeans and a t-shirt.
6. You don't understand how any school year can start before the Canfield Fair ends. Obviously, 4-H is more important. Obviously.
5. You purchased your first piece-of-shit vehicle - at least in part - yourself. And again, odds are 4 to 1 it had a tailgate. (See number 9).
4. Proper locations for parties include fields, abandoned strip mines (!) and backyards of unsuspecting, vacationing parents.
3. You could tell that first lunch break had begun by the smell wafting up from the questionable, archaic maybe non-existent septic tank.
2. You know that spray paint is not for huffing. No. It's for painting your name on road signs and turnpike underpasses.

And the number one way to Know You're From Old School Springfield Local, a.k.a. The Shoe Factory?

1. A six-pack and a bonfire were - and still are - all you need for a good time.

Thank you Dawn David Letterman.

Blah. Enough reminiscing. I blinked, and it's 25 years later. Google says I'm old, I've got a 25-Damn-Year-Class-Reunion to help plan and a cubicle in which to sit.

The former Springfield Local High School - a.k.a. The Shoe Factory - still stands. Barely. Whoever owns it now, I hear, has filled it with vehicles and junk.

They built the "new," current Springfield Local High School (our old middle school) - I think - in the 70s. Fancy! I hear the kids who go to that carcinogen-free building now have air conditioning, a functioning septic system and safe drinking water.


Asbestos that doesn't kill you? Only makes you stronger.


  1. 29?!!! More like 19. We can't be any older than that!!

  2. You can't be old 'cause if you are then I'm ancient and I don't feel ancient. Sure I may look the part, but let's not go there. But do go to your 25 Damn Year Reunion and be fabulous for all of us who refused to go to ours because we had aged during those 25 years.

  3. My answer is to not go to reunions. Because all those people know how old you are. I prefer to move around every few years. Each new place, I tell people I'm 30. Okay, I can't really pull off 30 anymore, so next time I move, I'll be 35.

  4. Thank you for making me think of Canfield fair and fried swiss cheese at 8:30 am. Sigh.
    Obviously, Google has good reason to show me belly fat ads.

  5. Hey, you're not officially old until they start serving only soft food at your high school reunions. (That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.)

  6. Are you sure that school isn't in Southwestern Colorado? Because it sounds exactly like the one I went to....ummm.....19 years ago. Kerrr-ist. It appears that I am old as well. *sigh*

  7. Awesome! SLHS Class of 1977. Sharing your memories and can add more! Just not sure they are fit for blogging....hahaha

  8. What a hoot! You just have to laugh at that old asshole, time. Great blog!

  9. I'm sure you're not old.

    Answered in kind on my blog, Diaries of an Old Feller.

  10. :-) Nicely done.

    Attended my 30 recently. Holy crap!!


  11. Hey, did you get your AARP card in the mail like Robin did? ;) No? Then you can't be old!!

  12. I didn't even get invited to my 25 year reunion. (Assholes. Must've been hosted by google. Anyone with a computer, though, can find me in half a second.)

    I'm kind of envious. A six-pack and a bonfire doesn't sound half bad (or half good).

    Cheers to you.

  13. I never liked the people I went to school and would have to travel 1500 miles to see them. I might make an exception on number 75!

    a note to Dawn, I think 30 will be on your next birthday...

  14. Come to think of it, I've never received any invitation to any reunions...ever. It's okay, I'm sure EVERYONE was asking about me.

  15. Very funny. I'm right there with you. Of course I'm not good with math, being blond and could be 26 and I missed the party!

  16. I don't know if we can still be friends. You're planning your reunion, as in, you are actually going to ATTEND!

    I missed my 10th. And my 20th. And my 30th. If I'm not dead, I'll miss my 40th. Actually, if I *am* dead I'll miss my 40th. By the time the 50th rolls around, I may have forgotten why I hated most of the kids I was incarcerated with, but I also will have forgotten everything else.

    I'm sorry. You were saying_____?

  17. We here in the Colorado mountains always added a tire or two to those bonfires. I'm not sure why. Maybe they were just extra ones in all the pick up trucks. The tires made for interesting snot the next day.

    Reunions pretty much suck because you want to believe these people have all evolved but most of them haven't. Totally true fact.

  18. 25 year reunion. Babies. I'm looking at my 30th in 2 years. Laughed OUT loud at this one. Google says I'm fat (and nothing could be further from the truth

  19. I'm so old that MY high school has been bulldozed and replaced with a housing development. That's progress, I guess!

  20. My 30th is this fall. Why should I go and talk to a bunch of old people? I'd rather remember them with pimples, feathered hair parted in-the-middle, with a big white wide-toothed comb sticking out of their back pocket.

  21. Why for the love of all things unholy did the gym always smell of sweaty clothes and rancid footwear, yet come lunchtime- it doubled as the cafeteria?

    Oh well, as your classmates start to age and the numbers dwindle, the formaldehyde will drown out the gym smell. Or you r sense of smell will go. Either way- its a WIN!

  22. Robin - I don't feel, or act, any older than 19. Ask my husband.
    Wanda - I actually enjoy reunions quite a bit. I'll be glad to go. However...
    Dawn - do have a point. These people know how old I am! Yikes!
    Samantha - Yes. I recommend the fried cheese at the Canfield Fair. And all the other foods, all fried, at the Canfield Fair. :)
    Linda - Actually, I am in charge of choosing the food, and I chose *gasp* mashed potatoes. lol!
    Eva - You're welcome at our reunion, then.
    Sugar Free - I am sure that, in Southwestern Colorado, there are plenty of Springfield Local.
    Kim - luv ya, girl. We had some fun at Ye Olde Shoe Factory, huh?
    Ron - I always love your Old Feller posts.
    Pearl - I know, right? Holy Crap!
    Kerbi - Haven't received my AARP card yet. Give it time.
    Robyn - You are totally invited to my 25 year reunion. You are my special guest.
    R.J. - I am afraid you're mistaken. I will still be 29.
    Vixen - Of course they were, dah-ling! I would!
    Nurse Mommy - Am blonde too. But I never NEVER miss a party. ;)
    Ami - Yes, it's true. I enjoy the reunions. But I'm pretty sure we can still be friends.
    Itch - Wow. Tires? Yes, that would make for interesting snot. ;)
    Heidi - As I said, Google is an asshole.
    Robert - Don't worry. The Shoe Factory is ready for the bulldozer, also. Sadly.
    SouthMain - Yes. The Pimply People sound much better than the old people. Absolutely!

  23. Don't hate me...but gearing for the 20th...yes, I am a youngin....I always did like to hang with older folk. HEE HAW.