Thursday, November 17, 2016

A Potty-Mouth's Ode to Summer


(post copyright 2016, Dawn Weber)

Hey Summer, why are you leaving?
Summer, please. I beg you. Don't go,
And leave me with old man Winter,
That guy, I tell ya, he blows.

He tries very hard to kill me,
He's a nasty old fart, there's no doubt,
With a heart just as hard as an iceberg,
A soul that's as cold as a trout.

He spits freezing rain at my eyeballs,
He coats the roadways with black ice,
My fingers turn into claws from,
Gripping the wheel like a vise.

His skies are as gray as old ashes,
His trees look dead, leaves are gone,
With views like this out the window,
Really, I think, why go on?

Yet again I must pack up my flip-flops,
Again I will pack up my smile,
I'll put them both inside boxes,
Forget they exist for a while.

Eating becomes a religion,
Our Crock Pots bubble like vats,
Cream cheese turns into a food group,
No wonder we all get so fat.

I hope the shorts inside my closet,
Will fit my big butt in May,
After six months of snacking,
And laying around every day.

What else can you do in the winter?
Except for eat, sleep and sob,
I might as well go into work,
I can be miserable at my job.

But Summer, you are a beauty,
You're steamy, hot, sexy and fun,
You make us want to strip naked,
And burn ourselves brown in the sun.

I'm sorry I cursed you in August,
When the temp was a hundred and four,
See, my ass was stuck to the car seat,
And my arm had been seared to the door.

Still, that's no reason to leave me,
With nothing but wind, ice and snow,
My nostrils froze shut from December till May,
Summer, please. I beg you. Don't go!

21 comments:

  1. I just want to hibernate until late spring.

    happy holidays from Seattle

    Astro and Linda

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    1. Me too, A&L! But I'd like to hibernate in Florida. :) Happy Turkey Day to you!

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  2. So true, and I love that second last verse especially much :)

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    1. Then you must spend 5 months with frozen nostrils, too, jenny-o!

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  3. Amazingly descriptive! Winter is coming with a vengeance tomorrow around here. Gale force winds on the big lake (Think,"Edmund Fitzgerald")and blowing rain turning to blizzarding snow. We're screwed for the season. Without being kissed.

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    1. I know that it really hits you hard up there, Jono. We got snow yesterday. The day before that it was 74. Welcome to Ohio.

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  4. Love your poem - but feel that way about the sweaty season rather than winter. Winter is fine.

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    1. I understand, EC. Want to trade places?

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    2. I understand, EC. Want to trade places?

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  5. He makes you keep overnight guests when your downhill driveway becomes a solid sheet of ice!

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    1. :) Good times, Eric! What a hoot that was.

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  6. I don't like summer OR winter! This climate is going to kill me. I desperately need to move back to the Pacific NW.

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    1. I hear it's perfect up there, JoJo. Pack your bags!

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  7. Tain't that the truth! Here, where I live, its "the long gray".

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    1. Now THAT is the perfect name for it, Strayer. I'm stealing it!

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    2. Now THAT is the perfect name for it, Strayer. I'm stealing it!

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  8. Oh, winter hasn't even gotten warmed up yet (probably an oxymoron, but you know what I mean).
    That said, I've started my five month "I'd Rather Be in Florida" campaign.

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