Thursday, September 20, 2012

A Fine Line Between "Collection" and "Weird Obsession"

(post and artwork, copyright 2012, Dawn Weber)

Inappropriate?

I'm all over it.

Yeah. Leslie, Suniverse and some awesome judges and sponsors over at The Bearded Iris are hosting "The Craft Whore Challenge."  They caught my interest at  "Craft."

They amused the hell out of me at "Whore."

In this competition, folks can enter unseemly, artsy-fartsy-type handmade items for a chance to win fabulous prizes! Prizes such as naughty-bit tissue boxes, vases. And toys! From the Garden of Eden! That may or may not involve batteries!

So, without any further a-don't, pimps and craft-hos, I present to you my 18" by 24" acrylic-on-canvas entry: "Happy Boy."



As you can see, unlike most of the AWESOME other entries, everyone in my piece remains - sadly - fully clothed.

But clearly, something tasteless could occur.

I've been badly painting vintage Fisher Price Little People, in unsuitable situations, for about a year now. I collect them and am obsessed with love LP's. Do not judge me. And speaking of inappropriate, tasteless, and unsuitable, here's a little re-worked re-post that will probably not at all explain why I enjoy "Peoples:"


________________

Hey. You there - peering at the computer. Come over here. I'll tell you a secret.

I buy men.

Right off the Internet.

They are my playmates.

And I'll tell you something else: Size doesn't matter. My men are small, but firm, and they love it when I play with them. Often, they sport wood. Or plastic.

Some of my men are women. Oh yes. I'm liberal like that.

You want to see pictures, don't you?




Of course, the husband is jealous of my little men. I can tell because he did it again. He went and asked that question. And he should know better.

"Hey. Can I get rid of these?"

The hell you can!

You toucha my vintage Fisher Price Little People, I breaka you face! Imma gonna go all gangsta up in here! And shizzle.

What? I know, I'm lily white, and not Italian at all. Or gangsta. I forgot for a minute. Shut up.

Apparently, my medium-ish box of Peoples, as I call them, takes up too much space in his 450-square-foot garage. The garage he is always trying to organize.

A couple of times a year, I have to rescue my playmates, their schoolhouse, their barn (with working "MOO!" doors), their airport and their parking garage from the trash. He simply does not see their value.

The hell? Some of them go for two...$2-fiddy on Ebay.

And Peoples make me happy.

I didn't have them growing up. As I mentioned before, we were poor. Much to my dismay, my mother had other, less important things to buy.

Like food.

One day, when my own daughter was a baby and I was, oh, 28, I jumped, nay, LEAPT on my co-worker, Marty, who said he'd sell me his family's vintage Fisher Price Little People collection - for only $30. I couldn't wait to buy them for myself my kids!


 My appetite whetted, I began purchasing my men on the web. And so the obsession collection began, and now, we are the proud owner of many Peoples and a box of accessories. And yes, I the kids play with them.

Oh yes. Peoples make me happy. Always have.

And since I didn't have them as a kid, there were always intense negotiations with Marshall the Neighbor Boy, Lucky Owner of Many Peoples:

Me, circa 1977: "I know, I know! Let's play Peoples!"
Marshall the Neighbor Boy: "Nah...we played that yesterday! And the day before. Let's throw the football."
Me: "Aw, come on. Please? ! I swear - I'll throw the football AFTER we play Peoples."

So it was that I spent the better part of the 70s many afternoons and maybe part of the 80s shut up playing with Peoples.

Oh yes. There was nothing like placing them in their schoolhouse chairs. Nothing like opening (MOO!) and closing (MOO!) the barn door. Nothing like riding them down, in their twee little cars, on the swirly-twirly slide of the parking garage. Good, good times.

Eventually tiring of my weird-ass little men obsession, Marshall the Neighbor Boy, Lucky Owner of Many Peoples, would wander off. Searching for someone with whom to throw the football.

He's probably still looking.

Poor Marshall the Neighbor Boy. Pimped. For Peoples.

Marshall the Neighbor Boy and I, circa 2010. Hadn't seen him for years.
He probably still wants to throw the football, I probably still want to play Peoples,
but no matter what, he will always, always be one of my best friends.


I hope I've answered the burning question on your mind: Why does she buy men off the Internet have a weird Fisher Price Little People obsession?
The burning question on my mind is: Where the Sam-Hell are those "Peace" earrings I wore in that picture with Marshall the Neighbor Boy? They were awesome.

Good luck to all the participants in the Challenge! Go, Craft Whores!







40 comments:

  1. I went to the contest website and marveled at the entries. You will do well. I do admit liking the apron entries though. I like the fact that I walk away from your site with a big grin. Oh, by the way, I found those earrings. But you have to come get them here in Florida. We will arrange a border exchange, beer for earrings!
    xo
    ray

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. RJ- i know you. You just went to look at the naughty bits. ;)

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  2. LOL! Hey, I think you have a real shot at winning. I mean, your painting is subtle, but with a little imagination... ;)

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  3. I played with those things until well into the 8th grade. I couldn't quit them....only traded them for real life make out partners instead.

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    Replies
    1. See? See? Good to know someone shares my weird obsessions , er, interests, Verb.

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  4. I'm pretty sure our mutual love of "peoples" is what brought us together, with a little help from Janet, right?

    I love your subtle inappropriateness brightly colored with vintage charm. You can open my moo-ing barn doors any day. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Moooo. Thanks for having the contest, Iris! Ooooxoooo

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  5. I'm coming over and bringing MY wood.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I've often thought I would like a doll house but I'm not giving in to the desire....it could be dangerous.

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    Replies
    1. Don"t do it, Delores! Dangerous to the pocketbook! And the garage!

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  7. I wish to see one of these "unsuitable situation" paintings you tease me with!!!! You crack my ass up & I SO hope you win that pulsating vibrator!!!! Lol xoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. One of the unsuitable paintings is right up there at the top, Gwen. Thanks! Toys with, um, batteries are most, um, useful. ;)

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  8. I love that you are obsessed with Peoples and own up to it! The first step always is admitting you have a problem.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello, my name is Dawn, and I a Peoples problem.

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  9. I know placing them in the schoolhouse chairs feel great, but the satisfaction of placing them in their little automobiles and then pulling them into their little garage and shutting the door...well...that's just the bomb!

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    Replies
    1. Oh, the Parking Garage! It makes me grind my teeth with pleasure.

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  10. A little off-topic, but how how HOW did you find/get back in touch with a neighbor boy from your childhood?And what did you do when you found him? I want to hear that story!

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    Replies
    1. Kana, that's sweet. I actually just planned a get together with a bunch of old friends, and Marshall showed up. No big story, but it was wonderful. :)

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  11. It could be worse. I collected virtual hats for a computer game for months.

    My most valuable hat could sell for several hundred dollars and my whole collection is worth about a grand.

    Yeah...

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    Replies
    1. Dwei --I will never sell my Peoples. Nevah!!

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  12. I have loved Little People forever and now? NOW I LOVE THEM MORE!

    Thanks for entering, and good luck!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for having the contest, Suniverse! Proud to meet a Peoples lover!

      Delete
  13. I love your painting. They're only portrayed from the waist up, though. Is the little man anatomically correct, 'cuz, well...desperate times. I mean, I'm thinking those peeps could help kids learn about the human body, that's all.

    Hugs to you and your little people.
    xoRobyn

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  14. We'll call it a Fisher fetish---has a nice ring to it, like the dollhouse doorbell . . .

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  15. How can he be a Happy Boy? He has no penis. Then again, he has no hands, either. So, I suppose the whole thing is moot.

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  16. I liked playing with the scholhouse peoples. Putting them on the merry-go-round and spinning it fast and hard until they all fell off. Good luck being the biggest Craft Whore in the contest.

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  17. Bro- thanks for stopping in for my silliness!
    Penwasser- what do you mean he has no penis? Can't you see his wood? Anyway he has 2 chicks eyeing him up- hence his happiness.
    Pixie-Oooh the merry-go-round! Yes, yes! Also an amazing thing to do with Peoples.

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  18. WHAT?! Only two-fiddy?!!

    :-)

    I love your weird little obsession, Dawn Peoples? Why the hell not.

    Hugs,

    Pearl

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  19. You are too funny with your Peoples. But seriously dude, I'm always blown away that you can paint! You is talented, girl! (Which is a nice bonus to smartass and sass, I do think!)

    :)

    Good luck, girl!

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  20. Hey Dawn, Indigo here! Return visit as promised. And dammit, you made me smile, woman! Now I'll have to add you to my blogroll and come back again! *sigh* Is there NO relief?! Indigo

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  21. Pearl - Why the hell not? Exactly.
    MTM - I can paint? This is news to me!
    Indigo - Thank you so much! Too kind, you are.
    Zibbs - Ah . . . nice to see a man who shares my affinity for LPs. :)

    ReplyDelete
  22. Sister Brat had little people and weebles, lots of weebles. Weebles wabble but they don't fall down. Kinda like me when turbulence hits.
    Okay, we're still on the runway, but have you seen they way those pilots drive?

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  23. Holy crap I love it! You're going to do a follow up post to celebrate your inevitable win, right?

    ReplyDelete
  24. WOW just what I was looking for. Came here by searching for 1 hour payday loans

    My page quick payday loan

    ReplyDelete