Thursday, June 3, 2010
Welcome to the Diner
I will also be this eatery's chef, hostess, manager and busboy.
Yeah, Mommy is talented like that. That's how Mommy rolls.
Tonight we'll be serving chicken nuggets, pizza and some sort of dead animal for your Dad. Oh - and a dinky-dang-diet-meal for me.
That's right. Chef Mommy here will prepare FOUR different meals for FOUR different people! Just as she has for the last SEVEN years...
Mommy is amazing like that. That's how Mommy rolls.
I won't bother you with The Chef's Special. It's irrelevant. I haven't prepared a recipe since you were born. Recipes, in general, don't come from a box. And we all know, if it doesn't come out of a box, it isn't going into your mouth.
You say you'd like chocolate milk, and not the plain variety I've set before you? So sorry, sir! Here - let me fix that. No, really. Don't get up. Serving you is one of life's great pleasures.
Again - that's how Mommy rolls.
What's that, young miss? You say you don't like the service here? Not enjoying Mommy's mood tonight? You say you want to go to Grandma's house?
I tell you what: Let's go to Grandma's house. Only, not the cookie-baking, junk-making granny you know today.
Let's have some fun. Let's go back...way back to the 70s and see what Granny's making for dinner, when she was a mom like me. Close your eyes, now...
Hmm...what's this? Why, it's pork chops - with (gasp!) bones in-tact, fried in a skillet. And - (yikes!) - lima beans. Rounding it all out, we have (horrors!) baked potatoes, with salt, pepper and a little butter. No sour cream in sight.
Still four people. But guess what, kids? ONE meal. Mmm-hmmm. Don't like it? That's fine with Grandma.
Don't worry. She does offer choices. You can:
1. Eat the pork chops, beans and potatoes, or
2. Go right to bed.
Because that? Is how 70s Mommies rolled.
Well...look who's returned! Welcome back to 2010, kids.
Enjoy your meals.