Saturday, December 12, 2015

"You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch?" Nope. "You're an A**hole, Mr. Trump"

(post copyright 2015, Dawn Weber)


Well, for five years now, I've been writing these messed-up Christmas Carols! Perhaps I should publish a little songbook to pass out to the children . . .

Nah. Better Not. Anyway, Happy Holidays, and feel free to sing along!
_______________________________

You really are quite frightening,
Your mouth is always running, 
You’re qualified for nothing, 
Mr. Trump

You’re a bigot, Mr. Trump,
You’ll cause nothing but problems,
You have no sense of justice, 
Mr. Trump

From the back seat of your limo,
To you, we’re just sex symbols, 
Mr. Trump

You’re a bully, Mr. Trump,
Your gall’s the stuff of fables,
Mr. Trump

You scare me, Mr. Trump,
The rednecks, they adore you,
Casting their votes for you,
The liberals all abhor you,
Mr. Trump

You’re a danger, Mr. Trump,
A nasty billionaire,
With ideas crazy as your hair, 
You’re our worst nightmare, 
Mr. Trump

Drunk on all your power,
Basking in your malice,
Go back to your tower,
Mr. Trump

Three words that describe you are stink, stank, stunk!




______________________________________________

Jerry the Junkie

Jerry the Junkie,
Was a jolly fucked-up soul,
With a big crack pipe and a blown-out nose,
And two pupils like black holes

Jerry the Junkie,
Was a criminal they say,
He went to jail, couldn't post his bail,
So he stayed for Christmas Day

There must have been some good shit in,
That last crack pipe he smoked,
For when they placed him in his cuffs,
He said, "Please just one more toke!"
Oh

Jerry the Junkie,
Was as high as he could be,
And the police say, 
That for several days,
He believed he was a tree

Down came, old Jerry,
When his crack buzz was all gone,
He said, "Give me some!"
They said, "You'll get none"
So he suffered till the dawn

He tried to call his ex-wife to,
Coome spring him from his cell,
But when he heard her screeching voice,
He said, "I'll just stay in jail"

Jerry the Junkie,
Found some bail on late Tuesday,
And he waved goodbye,
Saying, "Don't you cry! I'll be back again Friday"

Crackety-crackhead, crackety-crackhead,
Look at Jerry go,
Crackety-crackhead, crackety-crackhead,
He's the oldest junkie you know!

25 comments:

  1. Trump is scary. The remarks he makes....about women, or anyone who disagrees with him or stands up to him, my goodness, like middle school all over. But if he won and had the power of the office behind him, would it only be ridiculous comments he makes to those who disagree with him, or would he use the power of the office to silence them? This is an extremely important consideration all Americans must make, because the future of America and the world may be at stake. I sound worried?

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    1. I am as worried as you are. Can you imagine the President of the United States saying the idiotic things Trump says? It boggles the mind.

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  2. My internet crashed just as I tried to publish my comment. Anyways, I said he is a horrible, mean, racist misogynist. I cannot stand him and I don't understand how anyone can support him.

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    1. I read somewhere that most of his supporters are "white men with little to no education."
      I think that says it all.

      Delete
    2. PS: Jojo - Whenever I click on your blog from my iPad, your site vanishes and I get redirected to some other strange site. It's been happening for a while, I've wanted to email you about it but I can't seem to find any contact info for you. Sorry I haven't been commenting, but that is the reason why.

      Delete
  3. This is genius, Dawn! Trump's hateful banter is being celebrated by every brand of terrorist asshole and doing huge harm to our country.

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    1. Exactly, Jayne. I could have let it go if it was just one comment. But the bigotry combined with the idiocy combined with the douchebaggery . . . he just will not stop, and I had to address it.

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  4. I do hope that rather a lot of people sing your first song.
    And I find Jerry much less frightening that Trump. And he has more charm too.

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    Replies
    1. Pretty sad when an old crackhead is more likeable than the front-running conservative presidential candidate of the United States.

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  5. Great stuff Dawn. You really need to get the first one performed on YouTube. It would definitely go viral.

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    Replies
    1. Sadly Jono, I cannot sing. Hey - didn't you say that you can play guitar?
      ;)

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    2. Maybe it could be a rap song. Just do something - this is too good to not perform it somehow!

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  6. I agree with what Jono said. How musically inclined is the Hobo?
    Trump was a joke. Until people started supporting him. And now he's absolutely terrifying.

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    1. "Trump was a joke. Until people started supporting him. And now he's absolutely terrifyiing."
      This. Right here.

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  7. OMG, too funny. Especially Trump's. Loved it:) Thanks for the laugh.

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    1. Thanks for drinking the Kool-Aid, Sandra! Just one person's opinion...

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  8. No, nothing says the holidays quite like a person who clearly demonstrates that you're not nearly as bad!

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    Replies
    1. I know our political views differ greatly, Al, so I really appreciate the fact that you stopped by to see me. I will be right over to see you!

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  9. You know, I actually almost missed your post because I come here via Pearl's bloglist (lazy, I know) and I skipped right past Trump's photo in the listing ... that's how much he terrifies me. I don't live in the USA but that boundary thing is just an imaginary line anyway - we're on the same continent. Excellent re-writes of the classics ...

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    Replies
    1. Sorry about that Jenny-O! Didn't mean to frighten you with the picture. ;) I know it's pretty scary...

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  10. LOL! Please get that first one recorded. Maybe we can get it to go viral. ;)

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    Replies
    1. I would, Linda, but I don't think he'd have any qualms about suing me.

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  11. Ok so now the comment box is showing up again??? It's back and forth sometimes here, sometimes not.

    Jerry is part of the landscape around here. I would love to play this at the house and send the family reeling.

    If Trump is this objectionable sober, can you imagine if he wasn't?

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  12. Thanks for stopping by, Dawn.

    I've been sharing this link with buds who share the same sentiments.

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